Vee’s Inspiration February 20, 2025

I'm less than 30 days out from competing in my Spartan Race.    It has been almost 8 years to the day since the last time I ran a spartan race.  This was the race that started my downward spiral towards having back surgery.   That was one of the darkest, painful times in my life.  I remember trying everything to relieve the pain, but nothing worked.  By the end, I was relegated to two hours of sleep leaning against a wall with crutches under my armpits to help take the pressure off my back.  I was taking 24-30 Advil per day to help mute the pain.  There were many days when I cried because of the pain.  Many nights Anissia would stay up with me to keep me company.  I started drinking a lot to help dull the pain.  I had other dark thoughts that one may have when they can't see a light at the end of the tunnel. 

The breaking point…

 I went to the doctor right before our annual trip to New York to visit Aunt Paula and Uncle Jake.  I was going to try and gut it out.  The doctor told my wife he did not know how I would make it on a 2-hour plane flight.  That night we called Aunt Paula and Uncle Jake and told them we could not make it… I was admitted to the hospital for emergency surgery the next day.  The trauma to my back was so severe that it took 4 weeks for the inflammation to go down.  For the first 2-weeks, I was still in extreme pain and could not walk.  I was scared to take the narcotics they prescribed for the pain because of the possibility of becoming addicted.  My on-the-books recovery took 6 months, I went back to work after 6 weeks.  If I'm being honest,  my real recovery took a couple of years.  During that time I thought I was doing the correct things for recovery,  I now know there were so many more things I should have been doing, from my diet, my workouts, mental space, emotional space, and my weight all of these things prolonged my recovery. Am I 100% recovered now, but probably not.  It is amazing how the mind-body connection works.  I have been back pain-free for a while now, but now that I'm 30 days out, my back, on my surgery side has started to hurt.  I believe it's my mind's self-defense mechanism kicking in.  I've been injured since my back surgery, but my back trauma has been the last time mentally I felt like I could not continue.  My mind is trying to protect against that potential trauma.  The younger, dumber Vecus would have tried to tough it out and fight against the mental aspect.  The older wiser Vecus understands our mind is our most powerful muscle,  I must work on that part instead of the physical.  Real Talk, Physically I'm in excellent shape.  These last few weeks will entail me working on my mental fears and insecurities associated with this race and the trauma that resulted from it.  My wife says, “ I share too much”  I say, “That's what makes me me”  I share this vulnerable part to show we all have fears and insecurities.  It would be easier for me to train and not do this race, but that would mean I'm stuck in that trauma from 8 years ago.  I encourage you to a knowledge your fears and insecurities,  work hard to prepare yourself, and then face those insecurities head-on.  

Thank you to my wife and the few people who helped me through that dark time.  

Vee’s Inspiration